Hallelujah!

Glory be, I have seen the light!

Conversion is the word for what I am feeling. I finally feel converted to the idea of a lifestyle change. I believe that, to a large extent, my body is a reflection of my life. Right now it is to an extra large extent; that or my life is extra large. TMI, I know. Only the second post and already I am getting personal. Oh well.

In the past years I have fought chronic fatigue. There was no energy for a lifestyle revolution. I am now in a place where chasing this dream is an option, but still, for months - many, many months- I have shilly-shallied with the issue, always thinking about it but never really committing.

The first feelings of actual inner determination (the real kind, not the kind that wears off by Friday) came after Shyla suggested that we write three lists. In one we list our self deceptions, in one we list why we are doing this and in the last we list why we aren't doing it, even though we say we want to. See, I told you she was the wise one.

So, to continue with the trend of sharing too much information, here are my lists.

Why do I want to loose weight?

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I want to feel great and have confidence that I look great.

I want to be sexy for my husband.

I want to be young and mobile for my kids.

I want health and energy.

I want life to run around inside me like a squirrel (If you haven't seen "You Can't Take it With You" go and rent it or put it in your queue right now. It may be the best Frank Capra movie ever and it is one of my all time favorites. Plus it will enable you to understand that last statement.)

Sometimes my blood flows like Elmer's glue. I want it to run like Niagara.

No more "Mom" gut.

So why don't I do it? (this is the scary honesty part)

I am afraid of missing out on something delicious.

I am a sugar addict.

Junk food is a way of "taking care" of myself, of doing something just for me; especially when time is so limited that I don't see another way of meeting that need.

Instant gratification in a stage of life where so much must be postponed.

I feel needy. Like I don't have enough and I need to consume all I can when I can get it. It's like being a kid on Halloween and knowing your dad is a dentist.

My self deceptions:

I can keep my same habits and magically loose weight.

I have infinite time to work with.

I am okay with the way I look.

My weight/health isn't that big of a problem

I sound delusional. Somehow, I don't think I am the only one living these delusions though. If I am, that that makes this one heck of an embarassing post. Just kidding. I live for broccoli. I never have obsessive cravings. The secret stash of chocolate I have is really food storage. I have a totally healthy relationship with food and have no problem stopping after one cookie.

Well doctor, our hour is up. I feel much better now, thank you.