The Everythingist

In this world there are scientists, dentists, fascists, Bunburyists, and a host of "ists".

I am an everythingist. I want to do everything. I want to do it all at once, all the time and all the way. Perhaps this would work if I was also a rationalist. But, alas, I am a perfectionist and an idealist. This is a frightening combination. Frightening AND depressing.

This afternoon found me brooding about this. You see, I chose to exercise this morning. That takes up a significant chunk of my high-energy, super-productive time. This means that other things must go. This is hard ... tough ... excruciating!!!!

"Ah," says the voice of wisdom in my head (my voice of wisdom has a Chinese accent and sits in lotus position wearing a white robe) "but you have chosen what is best."

"But best is not everything" my everythingist side protests.

"True," says the voice of wisdom.

That's it. Nothing more from the little white robed voice. It must be waiting for me to put the rest of the pieces together. That, or it doesn't have any more of an idea of how I am going to un-burry the kitchen table and put laundry in the washer than I do.

Choosing the best is great.

Letting go of the good and the better stinks.

But, I believe it is worth it. I feel good. I have had more patience today. I have been happy. And that is worth a lot; possibly even worth more that a clean kitchen table.

Tbthththt

That is me blowing a raspberry. Stress, much whining, disobedience, holiday traffic/prices and four bushels of grapes needing to be turned to syrup and I crumpled. One pretzel/peanut butter/chocolate chip orgy later I had to reset my clock. One day, 17 hours, 48 minutes and 35 seconds. That is my time to beat.

Heartbreak

In which I exorcise a bad moment. Feel free to skip this one. I just needed to write it.

Tonight my kids, hubby and I were playing in the living room. My honey started "flying" the kids up and down, swinging their feet to the ceiling and bouncing them superman style on his knees. "Okay," he said, clearly in need of a break "It's mommy's turn." He meant it was my turn for some time with him. Child #2 said "She can't do that, she's too big and fat." "Yeah," agreed child #1 "she weighs like a hundred million pounds."

Now I have a few inches of pinch, but my BMI is within the "reasonably healthy" range. Okay, it's just barely in, but in is in. I have never been morbidly obese, but in that moment I felt (prepare for adjective onslaught) shame, anger, rage, embarrassment, internally small and externally enormous. I NEVER want to feel that again. Actual size had little to do with it. If I had been living a healthy lifestyle, the comment would have lost much of its sting, but I'm still getting my life in order, so it hurt.

This moment provided much of the initiative needed to start my timer (see previous post and timer on the side) and grab my life by the horns. Life, get ready to start bowing to my terms.

~Bethany

Addiction Recovery

Okay, so the holidays are putting the brakes on our blogging (Shy is hosting 30 in-laws), but we still wanted to at least tell you about the exciting new addition to our arsenal for awesomness. Shyla and I have been going through the Addiction Recovery booklet put out by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The program is based on AA's 12 steps, with an additional emphasis on the Savior and the power of the atonement. The impact on our lives has been so deep that we want to go through it with you.

Why addiction recovery? Well, I would consider myself a sugar addict. Even when I don't want it, it doesn't taste good, and I know it will make me sick ... I eat it anyway. For me, that feels like addiction.

*Plus*, the addiction recovery book can penetrate every aspect of your life. Any behavior that throws your life out of alignment (anger, offense, lack of patience, television addictions, self-bashing, pessimism etc.) falls under its influence. This book is about making you strong by moving you closer to the source of all strength and showing you how to leave power draining behaviors behind.

These books are available at distribution centers or through store.lds.org for a whopping $3. This is one weight loss tool that is gentle on your wallet and you won't end up hanging dry- cleaning on.

I once heard a former prescription meds. addict say that he had been clean for 30,923 hours and 49 minutes. I want that kind of power. I want to live my life the way I want to, not the way my addictions tell me to. So, I have started a timer on the side of the blog. Every time I surrender and let my addictions make choices for me, I have to start the clock over.

(Shyla's is on the bottom, for some reason you can't have two of the same counters on a page or two counters in the same area ... blasted computers!)

We'll start working on the Addiction Recovery Program together soon (some nebulous time amidst the holiday craziness.) We look forward to your comments. Till then, be strong sisters!

~Bethany

Priorities

LBB: This morning my sink was piled with dishes, every room needed picking up and my list of things to do before Thanksgiving was staggering. Yet, I am committed to making exercise a priority. So I put all of that aside, herded my kiddos into the basement and exercised. It is an odd sensation, putting myself first. Living in a way that puts me above laundry, above cleaning, above piano practicing and Christmas shopping ... that is empowering.

Lest you think that making a good decision made everything easy, let me paint you a picture. I turned on our downstairs computer and started the music. Child #1 stood on the step I was about to use for aerobics and made me look at every new color that swirled onto the screen (not easy when you are doing crunches facing the other direction). Child #2 stole puzzle pieces from his sisters till child #3 began beating him over the head with a bag. Child #3 likes to lay on me when I do crunches etc. etc. No, it was not perfect, but I did break a sweat and now I feel great. I even feel like that Thanksgiving "to do" list might be doable.

Oh where, oh where has my little stash gone?

This week has been a caloric tsunami. There was a lot of emotional eating and frustration eating. And where do I go when, like Pooh, I need a small smackerel of something? To my secret stash of course.

Well, today I said enough is enough and I liquidated my secret stash. Some of it went to my children, some into a recipe, some to my husband - who thought it was great that I had actually bought something desserty. No, he did not know about the stash.

I decided that I need to be honest with myself about what I am stocking and what I am eating. Indulging needs to be done in the open (at least for me.) Pulling the last Toblerone out my little nest of decadence was hard, but no looking back. On to a bright and glorious future.

~Bethany

Generations

This morning I exercised again! Two in a row. Don't mock, this is big for me. And I just realized what an impact this will have on my children. This morning I watched each of my children do kid Zumba. Child 2 has awesome maracas. Child 1 knows how to work her hair. And child 3, who is not yet two, galloped in circles around the other two waving a washcloth.

This is not just about me.

Saved

LBB: I finally did it. I got up this morning and exercised before my minions ... I mean angels were awake. I had grandiose ideas of pulling out great moves from all the step-aerobic classes I have attended in my life and creating a custom fit cardio routine. Ha ha ha. When I looked at that step this morning I went completely blank. For two minutes I did the most blasé step-cardio that can be imagined. Then my husband called out, "Time for arms." Two minutes later it was time for abs, two minutes later back to cardio ... He kept timing me, motivating me with the occasional, appreciative whistle and by riling my competitive spirit. I got a great 30 min. workout. Thank you honey! You saved me.

I also had the most delicious snack ever. My dear friend, who recently started reading the blog, just showed up at my door with a cup of vanilla yogurt, a bag of blueberries, some grape nuts, some sliced almonds and a note that said she was watching what she ate too. I was about to shovel down forkfuls of pasta covered in browned butter and mizithra cheese. I would have watched every bite from my plate ... {confession: I was actually going to skip the plate and eat straight out of the pot} ... to my mouth (does that count as watching what I eat?) But I decided to try her snack instead. It saved the day. And may I just say WOW! It was so satisfying and yummy. I need to work those ingredients into my grocery list.

~Bethany

Rocks

Hey, Shy here. Bethany mentioned, in the first post on this sweet little blog, that we were in this together. It's true we are. So where have I been? Well, mostly taking care of babies, helping with homework, doing the dishes, folding piles of laundry, the list goes on. It's true that taking care of 5 children and all the responsibility that comes with it, is a busy, 24 hour business. Is it possible that sometimes I use those responsibilities as excuses or reasons why I don't do things such as blog, exercise, eat right, read my scriptures more, etc.? Probably. I'm convinced that it's possible to take care of all the balls in my court, but I'm also sure it is not possible to juggle ALL those balls at the same time. I learned a powerful lesson recently. In Matthew 6:33 it says, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." After a conversation with my husband, I decided to conduct an experiment, of sorts. You know the object lesson where you put rocks in a jar, followed by small pebbles, then sand, and finally water. In that order, everything fits in the jar. Well, I made a conscience decision to really put the Lord first. I was more specific in my prayers. I took Facebook and all games off my phone. That way, when I was nursing the baby, instead of being tempted to catch up on FB or play a game I could read my scriptures or a conference talk. This focus elevated my thoughts. I really began to find strength in the Lord. Not only was my spirit being nurtured, but I was finding the will to make better choices...it was easier to get up early and go to bed early, I found it easier to turn down the cookies and eat healthier. You get the idea. The piles of laundry and stacks of dishes didn't magically disappear, but my heart, will, and power had changed. I have come to realize what a blessing it is to put the Lord first. He cares! My Father in Heaven wants those triumphs for me. The righteous desires of my heart are available to me. And, when I put Him first, that journey is made much easier.

Hey

Has anyone seen my bandwagon? I was loving my motivation to eat healthy. Where did it go? Somehow I have hooked up with the tired, sloppy, "I don't really care" wagon. If you see my bandwagon, please send directions.

Man Down

I just ate all my kids' Kit Kats. I am not proud, but wanted to be honest. What happened to the girl who used to hoard her candy so it would last till the next Halloween? Was that really me?

Thankfully, after today, all candy will be out of my house - down someone's gullet or in the garbage. Either way, I can't have the temptation lying around. Before you start feeling sorry for my kids, be aware that despite sniffly noses and coughs, they have been sugar zombies for the last three days, thanks to the Trunk-or-Treat being on Saturday.

Okay, here is my goal: every time I see candy for the rest of the day I will hear sword fighting noises in my head (clang, shing, ching) reminding me that I am fighting a deadly foe. I will fight. I will win ... right after I finish these rasinettes ... clang, shing, ching ... Oh well, the box was empty anyway. For reals now. On I go to health and slimness.