ARP - Introduction

This week I am working on the Introduction to the Addiction Recovery Program. My testimony of this program grows every day.

In a nutshell I have realized that this process needs to begin with prayer.

2 Nephi 32:99 But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul.

Willpower alone is insufficient ... at least for me - as I have proved by the scores of resolutions that I have adopted and abandoned. I need to include God if I want to succeed.

I have also been inspired by the dismal weather we've been having. For the past week, the little valley I live in has been in the choke hold of what is called an inversion - a condition where the cold, smog-heavy air is held close to the ground by the clean, warmer air on top of it. Driving my kid to school, wishing for a glimpse of the sky or the mountains, I realized that I have been living in an inversion. I hold my unhealthy behaviors close, forcing the good and healthy parts of my life to come second - if I can see them at all.

Okay, it is the week of Christmas and I am going to do some splurging. But reading the ARP introduction has gotten me up early to exercise twice already this week (and I'm going for three), it has motivated me to carve out quality time for scriptures. I am also trying to only splurge on what I really want. Sorry candy canes, you just don't make the cut. Mrs. Sees, I'll see you after dinner.

Merry Christmas Friends. My your indulging be meaningful and your stocking contain an Addiction Recovery Workbook.

~Bethany

Small sacrifices

When my sweet husband woke me for our morning scripture study at 6:30 this morning, my reply was,"I'm not getting up, I'm too tired," to which he lovingly replied, "you can take a nap later, we need to read with the kids." I was extremely tired, the last few nights have been anything but restful. I was entitled to remain in my warm bed and grab a few extra winks, wasn't I?

I regret to inform you that I did not get up. When I half woke up to what sounded like prayer over breakfast, I dragged my sorry self out of bed feeling quite guilty. How often has that been the kind of example I set for my children? What am I teaching them when I am not willing to make small sacrifices that have a big impact? I know I would have benefited much more from family scripture study than from what little extra sleep I got this morning, just like I know I would see great results by saying no to that cookie, or chocolate, or cinnamon roll, or (insert any tasty treat). Too often I want that gratification immediately! So, here's to small sacrifices and new beginnings. Wish me luck!

A Stab at Sanity

I vividly remember my first introduction to warped relationships with food. I was five. I was sitting in the family car. We were driving a family acquaintance to church. For 20 minutes she harangued sugars, fats, carbs, starches and, to this day, I can remember her exact inflection as she said "And salt, that one will really get you." Little did she know that she had managed to totally confuse and depress the five year old on the seat next to her.

Fast forward a decade or so and I began hearing about the evils of meat. Then meat was okay, just not red meat. No wait, red meat is okay, it's the pork that is really bad. Whoops, our bad, what we really meant was that you should eat lots of meat but not carbs. Carbs are of the devil. Then some bold person started attacking the natural sugar found in fruits and wheat. Wait there's more. Then I started hearing that even some vegetables were taboo because of the amount of sugar in them (carrots, corn, potatoes etc.) As of yet, I've never heard anyone attack broccoli. It may be the one safe food on the planet - provided it's organic, of course. Wait, that could be my million dollar idea. This is the one area where the dieting fear mongers have yet to tread ... dark green vegetables. Oh, I feel a book coming on.

All kidding aside, I figure if God made it and man hasn't messed with it too much, then it's fair game. Even if man has messed with it a bit it may be fair game. I certainly can't afford to buy organic everything. Some months I can't afford organic anything. And every once in a while I am going to eat something that nature would not create even if it could (donuts and fishy crackers and frostys, oh my.)

Let's stop the madness. I am tired of feeling guilty every time I make dinner or eat ... anything that is not broccoli. I get so burned out on the craziness that I feel the need to eat chocolate zingers just to restore some balance to the universe.

I propose that this blog be a haven for those who are pro-food and are also pro-health. I am ready to tackle two and a half decades of baggage. You?

~Bethany

Addiction Recovery Launch

Ta da! We are launching the program at long last.

What is it?: We will be using the LDS church's addiction recovery program based on AA's 12 step program. It is available at store.lds.org for $3

Why?: For us, unhealthy lifestyles can be addicting. This is a powerful program and can provide spiritual, mental and physical results.

Bonus: This program will help with anything in your life that is out of balance or that borders on addictive behavior. There are a few things in my life like that and they hinder my attempts at weight loss. So I might as well tackle those too.

Before you write yourself off as being completely addiction free, consider your relationship to Facebook, gaming, blogging, reading, anger, sleeping, television, stress, food, shopping, hobbies, etc. Are any of those ever out of balance? They sure are for me.

So, here's how it will work. Starting next week, on Dec. 19th, we will start chapter one and will work on one chapter a week. Shyla and I are committing to write at least one post per week. Anyone who wishes to, could commit to writing one or more comments a week. That way, we can all learn from each other, support each other, and I know that I sure benefit from some sense of accountability.

That's it. I am so excited. I want to write more, but I can no longer think clearly through Barney blaring in the background. Woo hoo. Let's do this.

~Bethany

Motivation for the day

1. The Natalie Strawn story done by Good Morning America (there is a link on Yahoo's home page.) She has lost nearly 300 lbs. My favorite quote from her is roughly "If I can do this, anyone can ... (because) it's hard and I do not like to do hard things." Is that not so true? It's hard to shoulder one more hard thing, but she's doing it.

2. My friend just lost seven pounds after a three month plateau. Yes, she did maintain her healthy lifestyle through the three months of frustration and now ... pay day.

3. Seeing a friend at church wearing a darling pencil skirt. I love pencil skirts. I own a pencil skirt, but I haven't worn it since being pregnant with child #2. Oh, and the wearer of the great skirt has four kids. It makes me want to spit and eat celery all at once.

I am trying like crazy to get my healthy/strong mindset back. Can you tell? Thanksgiving and wedding receptions and holiday baking have blindsided me a bit ... okay, a lot. Do any of you have some motivators? I could sure use some.

~Bethany

The Everythingist

In this world there are scientists, dentists, fascists, Bunburyists, and a host of "ists".

I am an everythingist. I want to do everything. I want to do it all at once, all the time and all the way. Perhaps this would work if I was also a rationalist. But, alas, I am a perfectionist and an idealist. This is a frightening combination. Frightening AND depressing.

This afternoon found me brooding about this. You see, I chose to exercise this morning. That takes up a significant chunk of my high-energy, super-productive time. This means that other things must go. This is hard ... tough ... excruciating!!!!

"Ah," says the voice of wisdom in my head (my voice of wisdom has a Chinese accent and sits in lotus position wearing a white robe) "but you have chosen what is best."

"But best is not everything" my everythingist side protests.

"True," says the voice of wisdom.

That's it. Nothing more from the little white robed voice. It must be waiting for me to put the rest of the pieces together. That, or it doesn't have any more of an idea of how I am going to un-burry the kitchen table and put laundry in the washer than I do.

Choosing the best is great.

Letting go of the good and the better stinks.

But, I believe it is worth it. I feel good. I have had more patience today. I have been happy. And that is worth a lot; possibly even worth more that a clean kitchen table.

Tbthththt

That is me blowing a raspberry. Stress, much whining, disobedience, holiday traffic/prices and four bushels of grapes needing to be turned to syrup and I crumpled. One pretzel/peanut butter/chocolate chip orgy later I had to reset my clock. One day, 17 hours, 48 minutes and 35 seconds. That is my time to beat.

Heartbreak

In which I exorcise a bad moment. Feel free to skip this one. I just needed to write it.

Tonight my kids, hubby and I were playing in the living room. My honey started "flying" the kids up and down, swinging their feet to the ceiling and bouncing them superman style on his knees. "Okay," he said, clearly in need of a break "It's mommy's turn." He meant it was my turn for some time with him. Child #2 said "She can't do that, she's too big and fat." "Yeah," agreed child #1 "she weighs like a hundred million pounds."

Now I have a few inches of pinch, but my BMI is within the "reasonably healthy" range. Okay, it's just barely in, but in is in. I have never been morbidly obese, but in that moment I felt (prepare for adjective onslaught) shame, anger, rage, embarrassment, internally small and externally enormous. I NEVER want to feel that again. Actual size had little to do with it. If I had been living a healthy lifestyle, the comment would have lost much of its sting, but I'm still getting my life in order, so it hurt.

This moment provided much of the initiative needed to start my timer (see previous post and timer on the side) and grab my life by the horns. Life, get ready to start bowing to my terms.

~Bethany

Addiction Recovery

Okay, so the holidays are putting the brakes on our blogging (Shy is hosting 30 in-laws), but we still wanted to at least tell you about the exciting new addition to our arsenal for awesomness. Shyla and I have been going through the Addiction Recovery booklet put out by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The program is based on AA's 12 steps, with an additional emphasis on the Savior and the power of the atonement. The impact on our lives has been so deep that we want to go through it with you.

Why addiction recovery? Well, I would consider myself a sugar addict. Even when I don't want it, it doesn't taste good, and I know it will make me sick ... I eat it anyway. For me, that feels like addiction.

*Plus*, the addiction recovery book can penetrate every aspect of your life. Any behavior that throws your life out of alignment (anger, offense, lack of patience, television addictions, self-bashing, pessimism etc.) falls under its influence. This book is about making you strong by moving you closer to the source of all strength and showing you how to leave power draining behaviors behind.

These books are available at distribution centers or through store.lds.org for a whopping $3. This is one weight loss tool that is gentle on your wallet and you won't end up hanging dry- cleaning on.

I once heard a former prescription meds. addict say that he had been clean for 30,923 hours and 49 minutes. I want that kind of power. I want to live my life the way I want to, not the way my addictions tell me to. So, I have started a timer on the side of the blog. Every time I surrender and let my addictions make choices for me, I have to start the clock over.

(Shyla's is on the bottom, for some reason you can't have two of the same counters on a page or two counters in the same area ... blasted computers!)

We'll start working on the Addiction Recovery Program together soon (some nebulous time amidst the holiday craziness.) We look forward to your comments. Till then, be strong sisters!

~Bethany

Priorities

LBB: This morning my sink was piled with dishes, every room needed picking up and my list of things to do before Thanksgiving was staggering. Yet, I am committed to making exercise a priority. So I put all of that aside, herded my kiddos into the basement and exercised. It is an odd sensation, putting myself first. Living in a way that puts me above laundry, above cleaning, above piano practicing and Christmas shopping ... that is empowering.

Lest you think that making a good decision made everything easy, let me paint you a picture. I turned on our downstairs computer and started the music. Child #1 stood on the step I was about to use for aerobics and made me look at every new color that swirled onto the screen (not easy when you are doing crunches facing the other direction). Child #2 stole puzzle pieces from his sisters till child #3 began beating him over the head with a bag. Child #3 likes to lay on me when I do crunches etc. etc. No, it was not perfect, but I did break a sweat and now I feel great. I even feel like that Thanksgiving "to do" list might be doable.

Oh where, oh where has my little stash gone?

This week has been a caloric tsunami. There was a lot of emotional eating and frustration eating. And where do I go when, like Pooh, I need a small smackerel of something? To my secret stash of course.

Well, today I said enough is enough and I liquidated my secret stash. Some of it went to my children, some into a recipe, some to my husband - who thought it was great that I had actually bought something desserty. No, he did not know about the stash.

I decided that I need to be honest with myself about what I am stocking and what I am eating. Indulging needs to be done in the open (at least for me.) Pulling the last Toblerone out my little nest of decadence was hard, but no looking back. On to a bright and glorious future.

~Bethany

Generations

This morning I exercised again! Two in a row. Don't mock, this is big for me. And I just realized what an impact this will have on my children. This morning I watched each of my children do kid Zumba. Child 2 has awesome maracas. Child 1 knows how to work her hair. And child 3, who is not yet two, galloped in circles around the other two waving a washcloth.

This is not just about me.

Saved

LBB: I finally did it. I got up this morning and exercised before my minions ... I mean angels were awake. I had grandiose ideas of pulling out great moves from all the step-aerobic classes I have attended in my life and creating a custom fit cardio routine. Ha ha ha. When I looked at that step this morning I went completely blank. For two minutes I did the most blasé step-cardio that can be imagined. Then my husband called out, "Time for arms." Two minutes later it was time for abs, two minutes later back to cardio ... He kept timing me, motivating me with the occasional, appreciative whistle and by riling my competitive spirit. I got a great 30 min. workout. Thank you honey! You saved me.

I also had the most delicious snack ever. My dear friend, who recently started reading the blog, just showed up at my door with a cup of vanilla yogurt, a bag of blueberries, some grape nuts, some sliced almonds and a note that said she was watching what she ate too. I was about to shovel down forkfuls of pasta covered in browned butter and mizithra cheese. I would have watched every bite from my plate ... {confession: I was actually going to skip the plate and eat straight out of the pot} ... to my mouth (does that count as watching what I eat?) But I decided to try her snack instead. It saved the day. And may I just say WOW! It was so satisfying and yummy. I need to work those ingredients into my grocery list.

~Bethany

Rocks

Hey, Shy here. Bethany mentioned, in the first post on this sweet little blog, that we were in this together. It's true we are. So where have I been? Well, mostly taking care of babies, helping with homework, doing the dishes, folding piles of laundry, the list goes on. It's true that taking care of 5 children and all the responsibility that comes with it, is a busy, 24 hour business. Is it possible that sometimes I use those responsibilities as excuses or reasons why I don't do things such as blog, exercise, eat right, read my scriptures more, etc.? Probably. I'm convinced that it's possible to take care of all the balls in my court, but I'm also sure it is not possible to juggle ALL those balls at the same time. I learned a powerful lesson recently. In Matthew 6:33 it says, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." After a conversation with my husband, I decided to conduct an experiment, of sorts. You know the object lesson where you put rocks in a jar, followed by small pebbles, then sand, and finally water. In that order, everything fits in the jar. Well, I made a conscience decision to really put the Lord first. I was more specific in my prayers. I took Facebook and all games off my phone. That way, when I was nursing the baby, instead of being tempted to catch up on FB or play a game I could read my scriptures or a conference talk. This focus elevated my thoughts. I really began to find strength in the Lord. Not only was my spirit being nurtured, but I was finding the will to make better choices...it was easier to get up early and go to bed early, I found it easier to turn down the cookies and eat healthier. You get the idea. The piles of laundry and stacks of dishes didn't magically disappear, but my heart, will, and power had changed. I have come to realize what a blessing it is to put the Lord first. He cares! My Father in Heaven wants those triumphs for me. The righteous desires of my heart are available to me. And, when I put Him first, that journey is made much easier.

Hey

Has anyone seen my bandwagon? I was loving my motivation to eat healthy. Where did it go? Somehow I have hooked up with the tired, sloppy, "I don't really care" wagon. If you see my bandwagon, please send directions.

Man Down

I just ate all my kids' Kit Kats. I am not proud, but wanted to be honest. What happened to the girl who used to hoard her candy so it would last till the next Halloween? Was that really me?

Thankfully, after today, all candy will be out of my house - down someone's gullet or in the garbage. Either way, I can't have the temptation lying around. Before you start feeling sorry for my kids, be aware that despite sniffly noses and coughs, they have been sugar zombies for the last three days, thanks to the Trunk-or-Treat being on Saturday.

Okay, here is my goal: every time I see candy for the rest of the day I will hear sword fighting noises in my head (clang, shing, ching) reminding me that I am fighting a deadly foe. I will fight. I will win ... right after I finish these rasinettes ... clang, shing, ching ... Oh well, the box was empty anyway. For reals now. On I go to health and slimness.

Hedonists unite!

hedonist |ˈhēdnist|nouna person who believes that the pursuit of pleasure is the most important thing in life; a pleasure-seeker: she was living the life of a committed hedonist.
In which I use way too many parentheses:I am a hedonist.I love food, art, music, theatre, movies, literature and so much more (ah, the sedentary and the caloric). I love European chocolate (Kinder Bueno rocks my world) but way too often I settle for month old Hersheys. Sometimes I get so desperate to indulge that I get crazy and start grabbing fishy crackers, and fruit snack while watching Wild Kratts (No offense Kratt bros., you are some of my favorites, second only to Word Girl ... but I digress) when what I really want is a crusty loaf of good bread, Basil infused olive oil and Mozart.
In which I try reasoning with myself:But the really good stuff is expensive ..... So eat it less often. Your wallet and your waist both win.But I want something now ..... What are you, two? Child #3 has more will power. If you need something now, find something fabulous that does not require settling.But I have no time ..... Wait a sec, if you have time for fishy crackers and Wild Kratts, you have time for the good stuff.But I try to be good, to wait, to only eat what I really want. I do that for an agonizing three days in a row and at the end I still don't look like Julianne Hough ..... Ya think? P.S., if you were really indulging and taking care of yourself, it would not be agonizing. This is about life style, not a temporary fix.
In which I make a list:As I mentioned in a previous post, my cravings often have less to do with food and more to do with taking time to take care of myself. So what can I use to take care of my need to indulge, or to anhialate my cravings with few or no calories. Here are a few that have been successful for me recently:
frozen rasberriesa Better Homes and Garden's "Renovation Style" magazine from the check stand (Honestly, have you ever actually purchased one of those? I hadn't and it was so fun.)a new lipsticka Red Box moviea squeaky clean romance novel or piece of chick-lita mug of herbal tea (a good kind)a great new shirt or jacket from Savers or DI (I'm a hedonist, not a millionaire)no holds barred yard saling good, organic preserves on toastknowing that you are saving up for something really good (a chocolate croissant, a family excursion to Yogo Togo, a date to See's chocolates, etc.)an hour by myself at the library or Barnes and Noblean hour by myself on the internetplay ticketsgood fruit
I would love to hear about what works for you.Okay, time to get out of my kids white chocolate popcorn. Oh boy Halloween is going to be hard.
LBB: Yesterday as I browsed the discount bakery rack at Smith's I found myself doing battle with one dozen cake doughnuts. They made it into my hand twice, but did not make it into my cart.

Things I know

Right now a gym membership and a professional weight loss program are not in the budget. I used to use that as an excuse. Then, I realized that I didn't really need either of those.

Things I know that I do not want to pay someone $40 a month to tell me:

Two cookies have fewer calories than seven.

Hydrating is important. (# of pounds /2= the number of oz. you should drink daily.)

To be healthy and look great I need to eat less and move more.

I can eat as many fruits and vegetables as I want.

Whole foods are better than processed ones.

Chemicals are bad for me. Toxins get stored in fat.

Stress makes me hold onto weight.

Chew slow and you will feel full faster.

Sugar should be used for celebrations. It makes a lousy lifestyle. Holidays, weddings and birthdays, are great reasons to indulge. Finishing my dinner is not quite as good a reason.

For more free tips, info and motivation I consistently turn to "French Women Don't Get Fat." (I know that is supposed to be underlined, but I don't know how to do that yet. Cntrl "u" doesn't do it.) It is a healthy, witty take on getting slim and in this bloggers humble opinion, it is the best weight loss book ever written.

I am also getting lots of motivation and ideas from friends. All this help is free! I can do free.

LBB

My LBB for the day-

(LBB stands for little basil blossom. LBBs are small victories. See the post called Little Basil Blossoms for more details.)

I just got on the scale and I am down a total of five pounds. Slow progress? Snail like, if you ask me, but it has been a while since I have seen those particular numbers and that makes me HAPPY!

Click

I had something "click" today.

It was one of those things that I had heard many times. I knew it was true. It just never made the transition from cerebrum to life application ... till today.

I have had one of those days; one of those shut your door, scream into a pillow and then beat your bed with a towel that you grab from a mountain of unfolded laundry - days. These are the days when cravings blindside me and comfort foods jump into my hand before I know what I'm doing. After dropping child #1 off at school I sat at a stoplight wondering what I was craving. I knew I wanted something, but nothing I thought of sounded good. And then I realized that the things I needed were not food. Yes, I had needs, but not needs that eating would solve. I required a whole new list of cravings like: conversation, help, a listening ear, patience, a break, encouragement, a vent session etc.

I am feeling quite evolved. It's sad that I haven't experienced this truth before. Chocolate and carbs were my go-to band aid for everything. To be totally honest, I did feel better after eating them. But I it was probably the fact that I took a break to eat them - that I took time for me and what I wanted. Maybe my blood-sugar did need a boost, but an apple and a chapter of a good could do the same thing. I am excited to think up new and meaningful indulgences. Lets face it, we all need to indulge and this has opened a whole new world of healthy possibilities.

S.O.S.

There are seven layer cookies in my fridge right now. One of those layers is butter, if that tells you anything. Butter, then graham cracker crumbs then coconut, butterscotch chips, chocolate chips, sweetened-condensed milk and finally chopped pecans all baked to perfection.

I called Shyla. I told her I didn't really need them right now, but that they were calling to me and they were becoming extraordinarily persuasive. Shyla cut right through that siren song with a "Stop! You don't want those. You want to be sexy!" Everyone needs that kind of a friend. If you want to succeed through those intense caloric cravings, I think a friend who can talk you out of the fridge is a must.

Fast forward to the night time. We pulled the cookies out as a part of a family night. I had one and shared the rest. We ate those cookies the way cookies are meant to be eaten - with laughter and finger licking, not sneakily eaten in a corner where the kids won't find me. They are now all gone (another perk) and I can rest in peace.

For me, this whole "diet" thing is not about denial as much as it is about control. I want to have the strength to eat only as much as I really want and only when I really want it.

Bandwagon

Last night I fell off the bandwagon. I felt guilt, depression, disappointment, and then I pulled myself up short. Just whose bandwagon was I on? I think I had gotten on some hardcore nutritionist's bandwagon by mistake. I like that bandwagon. I would like to find a permanent seat on that bandwagon someday. But I that is the Ferrari of bandwagons and I am on an '88 Chevy Nova wagon. I have skills to gain and strength to develop. I need a wagon that will make frequent stops to allow me to jump back on and I need to feel great about getting back on or I may give up - and that is not an option. Besides, I think unfounded guilt and angst are worse for you than brownies. So, let me take a moment to define my wagon:

This is the bunny-hill of wagons, for people just getting started.

Every time you fall off you are welcomed back on.

My wagon is open to all positive and supportive people.

Nay-Sayers can wait for the Ferrari.

On my wagon the expectations are high, the support system is fantastic and failure is not an option, because you only fail when you abandon the wagon.

Every time you get back on you are stronger.

Getting back on the wagon brings joy, not guilt.

The pace of my wagon may be slow, but it is consistent and it is always moving forward.

Okay, I am feeling better. I know where I am going, how I want to get there, who I want on my wagon and I have enough bandwagon imagery to last me a long, long time.

Is anyone taking the same ride?

Basil Blossoms

Little Basil Blossoms is a funny name for a blog about weight loss. To be honest, it is not the first name we tried. We crafted, debated and tried a dozen or more names, all of which were taken. Then one evening as I was making dinner, I went out to pick some basil. My basil was in bloom and I was enchanted by the simple beauty of those tiny white blossoms. I called Shyla. Shyla checked on blog spot, and wonder of wonders, the name was available.

I now realize that, despite it's random beginnings our name may be quite apt. Unless you get picked to be a contestant on a reality weight loss show, the journey to thin will probably be about the small, simple, consistent changes in your life. At least that's how it is for me. And those small moments of victory, of self control and of incremental progress are beautiful. They may seem like tiny basil blossoms in a garden where squash blossoms and roses and six foot tall tomatoes vie for attention, but they have a beauty all their own. They are important. And some days they make all the difference.

~Bethany

p.s. I just found out that I have lost three pounds. And I had a personal victory. I resisted the mini red-velvet cupcakes at Relief Society last night. I don't really like red velvet, but I love cake. Just three weeks ago not really liking it or wanting it would not have kept me from eating it. Those are two of my "basil blossoms" for the week.

Hallelujah!

Glory be, I have seen the light!

Conversion is the word for what I am feeling. I finally feel converted to the idea of a lifestyle change. I believe that, to a large extent, my body is a reflection of my life. Right now it is to an extra large extent; that or my life is extra large. TMI, I know. Only the second post and already I am getting personal. Oh well.

In the past years I have fought chronic fatigue. There was no energy for a lifestyle revolution. I am now in a place where chasing this dream is an option, but still, for months - many, many months- I have shilly-shallied with the issue, always thinking about it but never really committing.

The first feelings of actual inner determination (the real kind, not the kind that wears off by Friday) came after Shyla suggested that we write three lists. In one we list our self deceptions, in one we list why we are doing this and in the last we list why we aren't doing it, even though we say we want to. See, I told you she was the wise one.

So, to continue with the trend of sharing too much information, here are my lists.

Why do I want to loose weight?

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I want to feel great and have confidence that I look great.

I want to be sexy for my husband.

I want to be young and mobile for my kids.

I want health and energy.

I want life to run around inside me like a squirrel (If you haven't seen "You Can't Take it With You" go and rent it or put it in your queue right now. It may be the best Frank Capra movie ever and it is one of my all time favorites. Plus it will enable you to understand that last statement.)

Sometimes my blood flows like Elmer's glue. I want it to run like Niagara.

No more "Mom" gut.

So why don't I do it? (this is the scary honesty part)

I am afraid of missing out on something delicious.

I am a sugar addict.

Junk food is a way of "taking care" of myself, of doing something just for me; especially when time is so limited that I don't see another way of meeting that need.

Instant gratification in a stage of life where so much must be postponed.

I feel needy. Like I don't have enough and I need to consume all I can when I can get it. It's like being a kid on Halloween and knowing your dad is a dentist.

My self deceptions:

I can keep my same habits and magically loose weight.

I have infinite time to work with.

I am okay with the way I look.

My weight/health isn't that big of a problem

I sound delusional. Somehow, I don't think I am the only one living these delusions though. If I am, that that makes this one heck of an embarassing post. Just kidding. I live for broccoli. I never have obsessive cravings. The secret stash of chocolate I have is really food storage. I have a totally healthy relationship with food and have no problem stopping after one cookie.

Well doctor, our hour is up. I feel much better now, thank you.

Hello!

Welcome friends.

My name is Bethany. This blog is the brainchild of a summer's chat with my dear friend Shyla. While our children, a total of eight kids under the age of 9, ran pel mel through house and yard, we talked about our desires to be slimmer, fitter and healthier. Shyla (the wise one in this duo) pointed out that this is about much more than inches and calories. This is about the women we want to become, not just the waist size we want to achieve.

This is just as much about wisdom, confidence and power as it is about weight, calories and pounds. If we can gain the first, we believe the second will follow.

And it is going to take support - lots and lots of support - and ideas and accountability and ... well, hence the blog. We are excited that you are comming on this adventure with us.

Bethany