Heartbreak

In which I exorcise a bad moment. Feel free to skip this one. I just needed to write it.

Tonight my kids, hubby and I were playing in the living room. My honey started "flying" the kids up and down, swinging their feet to the ceiling and bouncing them superman style on his knees. "Okay," he said, clearly in need of a break "It's mommy's turn." He meant it was my turn for some time with him. Child #2 said "She can't do that, she's too big and fat." "Yeah," agreed child #1 "she weighs like a hundred million pounds."

Now I have a few inches of pinch, but my BMI is within the "reasonably healthy" range. Okay, it's just barely in, but in is in. I have never been morbidly obese, but in that moment I felt (prepare for adjective onslaught) shame, anger, rage, embarrassment, internally small and externally enormous. I NEVER want to feel that again. Actual size had little to do with it. If I had been living a healthy lifestyle, the comment would have lost much of its sting, but I'm still getting my life in order, so it hurt.

This moment provided much of the initiative needed to start my timer (see previous post and timer on the side) and grab my life by the horns. Life, get ready to start bowing to my terms.

~Bethany