I know I have mentioned it twice already, but it is worth saying again. In creating a lifestyle, forget right and wrong, focus on alive and less alive. Why am I so stuck on this? Because it is my lifeline right now.
I am a girl who loves absolutes. I thrive on right/wrong, worthwhile/not worthwhile, healthy/unhealthy types of dichotomies. And the world stands ready to provide me with a mountain of books and talk shows that are eager to indoctrinate me to their version of "right" dieting. And yes, there are some pretty solid guidelines to direct me (less sugar, more vegetables, more exercising), but when I define them in terms of absolutes (must, always, never, perfect etc.) I get stuck.
Example: A few weeks ago, the challenge my AR girls and I set for ourselves was to exercise every day. It did not matter how much we did. Two minutes worth of crunches would have counted. The point was to create a daily habit. Every day I thought about exercise, but because I didn't have the time or energy to do "enough" (which to me meant a minimum of 20 min.) I only exercised four times in the two weeks.
Whose standards am I trying to live up to anyway? What is this voice in my head telling me that a baby step forward is not "enough"? Why am I allowing someone else to define my version of failure and success? As it stands now, I can't win till I have the powerful inner confidence to tell that voice to take a hike.
As it says in the AR manual "... remember that perfectionism - trying to do (it) perfectly and to please others - can block you from being complete."
Note, it does not say perfectionism can block you from being effective. While it certainly does that for me, the bigger picture is that it stops me from being complete, and that slows my progress in every area of life.
I am succeeding in the battle over my addictive behaviors. Now, I need to tackle that "perfect" little voice of inner-criticism as well. The deeper I go into challenging my false ideas and unhealthy behaviors, the more I realize that the battle for slim and healthy is part of a greater war - the fight for self-mastery - the work of becoming complete.
I love this post. I have been thinking about this a lot over the last few weeks. The diets that are all the rage right now are so absolute and extreme. There seems to be a lot of pressure with each one, that if you don't do it the extreme, prescribed way, you are weak and have failed. To me, this seems to be the adversaries way. To focus on something so completely, to let it control your life to the point where other good and praiseworthy things (or foods) end up put aside. The one phrase that has become my answer to everyone who has advice for me, and to myself, several times a day, is "moderation in all things." It's not new or fancy, but just so true and important. I try to take from each, (vegan, organic, raw, palieo, WW, Atkins, etc. etc.) and pull from it what makes sense and is not too extreme. I follow my intuition, (aka the holy ghost) about what parts are good for my body chemistry.
ReplyDeleteThe other thing I have been pondering is the definition of failing and success. My aunt recently lost a lot of weight and got very fit. It took a year and a half. She told us that the key was to not feel like she had failed whenever she had a bad day or broke her diet. Every day was a clean slate. If she was traveling or something, she might not follow her plan very well and have some bad days, but ultimately, she was doing better than she had been 6 months ago and that's what mattered. Baby steps!
Jess, thank you for sharing your aunt's story. I get so frustrated with slow change. I'll watch biggest loser and see six pounds in a week, ten pounds in a week, complete transformation by the end of the season etc. and I forget that I don't live on a ranch with a personal trainer. That story is a great reminder that it is okay to take a year and a half ... more if you need it ... to get to that happy place.
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